“Don’t worry,” says Donald Trump. “When I said we’d look into ways to ‘get rid of them,’ I didn’t mean Muslims! I just meant the hypothetical Muslim training camps believed in by the obvious racist whose insane opinions I treated as valid.”
The 2016 Republican Presidential field here in the United States is indeed filled with a dozen people who will never be elected president, will never be close to being elected president, and could never be president. But it’s easier than ever to run for several months, get a lot of attention, and get a media and publishing deal out of it.
That classic American spirit might be one of the few American concepts currently still being exported overseas. In this case to Tanzania.
Aiming to preserve single-party rule there, Tanzania’s ruling party and state media have suddenly (and very probably only temporarily) elevated an unknown farmer to rockstar status because he filed to run in their 30 candidate presidential primary against far more experienced and affluent candidates, including more than one former prime minister.
Eldoforce Bilohe is a 43-year-old farmer with a primary class seven level of education, who wants to be the next president of Tanzania.
Supporters of the CCM will argue that the fact that an ordinary party member of humble means is able to vie for the party presidential nomination is evidence of true and inclusive democracy within the party.
Meanwhile, the Tanzanian opposition may be nearing its first real chance of victory as it unites under one umbrella. Stay tuned!
According to the US State Department (full story➚), Ethiopia’s “democracy” improves with each election.
That must be why the ruling party in this year’s election took 546 out of 546 seats in parliament, significantly improving over last election’s 544 out of 546. Those extra two votes in the chamber should make it easier to buy more state surveillance tools to monitor the population.
Let freedom ring!
There are so many Republicans announcing that they will one day have a 1-line Wikipedia bio mention of a brief 2016 presidential run. Here are five more you definitely don’t know, to the point of questioning their existence. But, as with Ben Carson, you also can’t be sure they aren’t real.
Name: Zebulon P. Bush
Elected Experience: Commissioner of Agriculture for Mississippi
Background Info: “Zeb” Bush is the youngest and least well-known of George H.W. Bush’s sons
Reason For Running: Doesn’t everyone in that family?
Known For: Exploring the West; declaring Mission Accomplished too early in the 1999 NATO war in Kosovo and urging a US invasion of Slovenia to search for weapons of mass destruction
Name: Wilbursam Houston
Elected Experience: Former Sheriff of Hudspeth County, Texas, 2 terms
Background Info: Has illegally arrested a lot of local U.S. citizens for “looking Mexican.”
Reason For Running: Believes Texas is still under-represented in the race, despite Cruz and Perry running; Believes Austin is getting too weird.
Known For: Riding around the Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport Skylink people-mover and demanding “Can I count on your vote on Election Day?” to everyone he can corner
Name: Todd Harrison
Elected Experience: None
Background Info: Made a small fortune on the stock market. Enough to burn on this.
Reason For Running: Great-great(?) grandson of President Benjamin Harrison, who was also a descendent of William Henry Harrison
Known For: A pretty nice place in the Hamptons
Name: George Vespasian Belisarius Newcastle IV
Elected Experience: South Carolina Congressman, 9 terms
Background Info: Comes from a long line of proud slaveowners who wish they had been Senators of the Roman Republic
Reason For Running: The South Will Rise Again
Known For: 47 unsuccessful attempts to repeal the Louisiana Purchase since 2005 on the grounds that it constituted a grave overreach of Federal power and eventually led to the Civil War and the abolition of slavery
Name: Abigail Stone
Elected Experience: Former US Senator from Ohio, 1 term
Background Info: Niece of a prominent Republican National Committeeman
Reason For Running: Well positioned as a backup consensus choice for president or vice president if it goes to a brokered convention
Known For: Her slogan — “It’s an honor just to be nominated” (she won’t be)
A self-declared government set up by an armed group that seized the Libyan capital in August has taken over the websites of the state administration and the national oil company, adding to confusion over who is running the country.
With Libya’s official government and parliament now operating from towns hundreds of miles east of Tripoli, the armed group, from the western city of Misrata, that has seized ministry buildings in the capital now controls their websites.
The website of Prime Minister Abdullah Thinni – who now sits with his cabinet in the eastern city of Bayda – shows the picture of the man the Misrata rebels have declared as prime minister, Omar Al Hasi, and lists the names of his team.
The group, which calls itself the National Salvation government, has also taken over the website of the National Oil. Next to tender offers, the website features the picture of the self-declared government’s oil minister.
Sounds like they might have literally just walked in to abandoned government ministry buildings in Tripoli, turned on the computers, and started updating the websites.
And that’s why you sign out of accounts, clear browser caches, and don’t save your passwords anywhere, when you’re working on a government computer in the middle of a civil war!
Pre-coup and post-coup, Thailand’s leadership can agree to remain committed to one thing: Shaming overseas restaurants for insufficiently authentic Thai food. And now their food-tasting (killer?) robot is doing well in testing and may soon be sold to high-end restaurants in southeast Asia and beyond:
The government-financed Thai Delicious Committee, which oversaw the development of the machine, describes it as “an intelligent robot that measures smell and taste in food ingredients through sensor technology in order to measure taste like a food critic.”
In a country of 67 million people, there are somewhere near the same number of strongly held opinions about Thai cooking. […] But there does seem to be some agreement on one point at least: Bad Thai food is a more acute problem overseas.
Thais, who can establish an immediate bond discussing where they will get their next meal or the merits of particular food stalls, complain that Thai restaurants overseas cater to non-Thai palates by pulling punches on spice and not respecting the delicate balance between sweet, sour, salty and four-alarm spicy.
For designing and building a robot from scratch, the project has a very low price-tag overall and will supposedly be earned back by sales of the robot.
Anyway, the way it works is that it performs a rapid chemical analysis of a food sample, teasing out both the constituent ingredients used and the ratios used, and then it compares it to a database of ingredients and ratios used in a sample “ideal” recipe for that meal — with the ideal as determined by the ratings of a small research study with a hundred or so ordinary Thai people (not food critics).
But I’m pretty sure we all know it’s going to end up chemically analyzing mankind and find us insufficiently spicy to remain alive. And just as Thailand was one of the few countries in the world to resist Western colonialism (more or less), Thailand’s robots will no doubt be the first to take on humanity successfully.
Ah, Bob McDonnell, the once and former future Vice President of These United States. Now a retired Governor of Virginia and (as of today) 11-times-over Federal convict. His wife was also convicted soundly on similar charges.
You may recall past highlights from his corruption trial proceedings included refusing to take an amazing plea deal that would have spared his wife altogether from joining him in 14-indictment hell:
The Feds were even willing to offer an extremely generous — perhaps overly so — deal to former Gov. McDonnell that would have protected his wife entirely, even though she seems to have orchestrated much of the corruption and solicitations. All he had to do was plead guilty to one felony count and serve time (probably very little considering who he is). Yet he said no.
And so down she went with him. But, we were told, it was all part of a cunning plan! This marriage needed to look so awful (for the jury) that refusing to spare her the investigation was just the final step.
Ah Bobby McDonnell, your masterful and foolproof “my wife is so horrible and I hate her and she was only taking bribes because she was in love with the briber” defense strategy worked like … whatever the opposite of “a charm” is. Just how low did you go in an effort to slime her for your own failed exculpation? Let us consult the New York Times:
Mr. McDonnell, who carried his wife over the threshold of the Executive Mansion the day of his inauguration, portrayed her in his testimony as a harridan whose yelling left him “spiritually and mentally exhausted,” and who was so cold that after he sent her an email pleading to save their marriage, she did not reply.
BOBBY. FOR SHAME. You made the New York Times editors break out the word “harridan.” They probably nearly asphyxiated from the dust of opening their expanded-volume dictionary just to find that word which could so perfectly summarize your cold-hearted view of your longtime wife and the mother of your five children.
BOBBY, I HAD TO LOOK THAT WORD UP JUST TO READ ABOUT YOUR DEFENSE. That is how mean you were to your wife.
And how, pray tell, did you brace yourself for your multitudinous convictions, good sir?
Leaving the courthouse at midday Tuesday once the jury began deliberations, Mr. McDonnell said the past 18 months had been tough on his family, but he said he drew strength from his 38 years of marriage and the five children he shared with his wife. “I think we’re stronger than we’ve ever been.”
And the shackles of their love will only grow in strength, no doubt, while they are both shackled in respective Federal prisons. Being apart from an unloving, backstabbing, corrupt spouse can only make the heart grow fonder. That’s in Proverbs.