“Don’t worry,” says Donald Trump. “When I said we’d look into ways to ‘get rid of them,’ I didn’t mean Muslims! I just meant the hypothetical Muslim training camps believed in by the obvious racist whose insane opinions I treated as valid.”
The 2016 Republican Presidential field here in the United States is indeed filled with a dozen people who will never be elected president, will never be close to being elected president, and could never be president. But it’s easier than ever to run for several months, get a lot of attention, and get a media and publishing deal out of it.
That classic American spirit might be one of the few American concepts currently still being exported overseas. In this case to Tanzania.
Aiming to preserve single-party rule there, Tanzania’s ruling party and state media have suddenly (and very probably only temporarily) elevated an unknown farmer to rockstar status because he filed to run in their 30 candidate presidential primary against far more experienced and affluent candidates, including more than one former prime minister.
Eldoforce Bilohe is a 43-year-old farmer with a primary class seven level of education, who wants to be the next president of Tanzania.
Supporters of the CCM will argue that the fact that an ordinary party member of humble means is able to vie for the party presidential nomination is evidence of true and inclusive democracy within the party.
Meanwhile, the Tanzanian opposition may be nearing its first real chance of victory as it unites under one umbrella. Stay tuned!
According to the US State Department (full story➚), Ethiopia’s “democracy” improves with each election.
That must be why the ruling party in this year’s election took 546 out of 546 seats in parliament, significantly improving over last election’s 544 out of 546. Those extra two votes in the chamber should make it easier to buy more state surveillance tools to monitor the population.
Let freedom ring!
There are so many Republicans announcing that they will one day have a 1-line Wikipedia bio mention of a brief 2016 presidential run. Here are five more you definitely don’t know, to the point of questioning their existence. But, as with Ben Carson, you also can’t be sure they aren’t real.
Name: Zebulon P. Bush
Elected Experience: Commissioner of Agriculture for Mississippi
Background Info: “Zeb” Bush is the youngest and least well-known of George H.W. Bush’s sons
Reason For Running: Doesn’t everyone in that family?
Known For: Exploring the West; declaring Mission Accomplished too early in the 1999 NATO war in Kosovo and urging a US invasion of Slovenia to search for weapons of mass destruction
Name: Wilbursam Houston
Elected Experience: Former Sheriff of Hudspeth County, Texas, 2 terms
Background Info: Has illegally arrested a lot of local U.S. citizens for “looking Mexican.”
Reason For Running: Believes Texas is still under-represented in the race, despite Cruz and Perry running; Believes Austin is getting too weird.
Known For: Riding around the Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport Skylink people-mover and demanding “Can I count on your vote on Election Day?” to everyone he can corner
Name: Todd Harrison
Elected Experience: None
Background Info: Made a small fortune on the stock market. Enough to burn on this.
Reason For Running: Great-great(?) grandson of President Benjamin Harrison, who was also a descendent of William Henry Harrison
Known For: A pretty nice place in the Hamptons
Name: George Vespasian Belisarius Newcastle IV
Elected Experience: South Carolina Congressman, 9 terms
Background Info: Comes from a long line of proud slaveowners who wish they had been Senators of the Roman Republic
Reason For Running: The South Will Rise Again
Known For: 47 unsuccessful attempts to repeal the Louisiana Purchase since 2005 on the grounds that it constituted a grave overreach of Federal power and eventually led to the Civil War and the abolition of slavery
Name: Abigail Stone
Elected Experience: Former US Senator from Ohio, 1 term
Background Info: Niece of a prominent Republican National Committeeman
Reason For Running: Well positioned as a backup consensus choice for president or vice president if it goes to a brokered convention
Known For: Her slogan — “It’s an honor just to be nominated” (she won’t be)
Rand Paul announced his presidential campaign today. His platform?
“I have a message — a message that is loud and clear and does not mince words. We’ve come to take our country back.”
Here’s 15 more things Rand Paul wants to take back…
1. A buck fifty that got stuck in the Senate Cafeteria vending machine. Didn’t even get the damn candy bar. It would fiscally irresponsible not to get that money back.
2. The four dollar adult admission he paid at the Thomas D. Clark Center for Kentucky History in 2013. It was worth $3.50 at best. At best.
3. The time he got a bit tipsy with a lobbyist and dared to question the 2nd Amendment’s meaning in the 21st century. What if that guy remembers that conversation too…
4. In the 7th grade, he told his buddy Tim that he kind of liked Suzie Baker, and he’d really like to take that back, not because it wasn’t true but because Tim spread it all over, and it turned out Suzie didn’t like him back, and that was pretty embarrassing at the time, although in the grand scheme of things it probably built his character or something, or at the very least it didn’t matter.
5. H.R. 2149 (2011), a bill to designate the facility of the United States Postal Service located at 4354 Pahoa Avenue in Honolulu, Hawaii, as the “Cecil L. Heftel Post Office Building” was, in retrospect, one of the biggest assaults on freedom during Barack Obama’s first term in office, and he’s going to take that back. If he could do one thing over in the Senate, that would be it.
6. The life of a man he killed in Reno just to watch him die. Carson City was obviously the better choice for location and what was he thinking?
7. A particularly smart-alecky comment he made to Ron Paul at age 15. It was pretty uncalled for and his dad didn’t deserve that kind of attitude.
8. Some of the defense cuts he proposed in 2011. Man, he forgot how sweet some of those fighter jets and bombers can be.
9. The wedding ring he accidentally lost down the sink one day and had to rush to find a replacement before anyone noticed. The original was his great-grandfather’s.
10. Any opinions he’s expressed publicly since 2010 that would now make it hard to win a Republican primary or general election campaign for president.
11. His refusal to hang a tire swing for his kids all those years ago. They would have loved that thing.
12. That one time he took the Lord’s name in vain. You know, that time.
13. That interview during the 2010 campaign with Rachel Maddow.
14. The 6th answer he entered on the Buzzfeed quiz about which friend from “Friends” you really are. It threw off the overall result.
15. The Breaking Bad spoiler he accidentally let slip to Orrin Hatch, thus making an enemy for life. But like, “Ozymandias” was just so masterful!
A self-declared government set up by an armed group that seized the Libyan capital in August has taken over the websites of the state administration and the national oil company, adding to confusion over who is running the country.
With Libya’s official government and parliament now operating from towns hundreds of miles east of Tripoli, the armed group, from the western city of Misrata, that has seized ministry buildings in the capital now controls their websites.
The website of Prime Minister Abdullah Thinni – who now sits with his cabinet in the eastern city of Bayda – shows the picture of the man the Misrata rebels have declared as prime minister, Omar Al Hasi, and lists the names of his team.
The group, which calls itself the National Salvation government, has also taken over the website of the National Oil. Next to tender offers, the website features the picture of the self-declared government’s oil minister.
Sounds like they might have literally just walked in to abandoned government ministry buildings in Tripoli, turned on the computers, and started updating the websites.
And that’s why you sign out of accounts, clear browser caches, and don’t save your passwords anywhere, when you’re working on a government computer in the middle of a civil war!
Pre-coup and post-coup, Thailand’s leadership can agree to remain committed to one thing: Shaming overseas restaurants for insufficiently authentic Thai food. And now their food-tasting (killer?) robot is doing well in testing and may soon be sold to high-end restaurants in southeast Asia and beyond:
The government-financed Thai Delicious Committee, which oversaw the development of the machine, describes it as “an intelligent robot that measures smell and taste in food ingredients through sensor technology in order to measure taste like a food critic.”
In a country of 67 million people, there are somewhere near the same number of strongly held opinions about Thai cooking. […] But there does seem to be some agreement on one point at least: Bad Thai food is a more acute problem overseas.
Thais, who can establish an immediate bond discussing where they will get their next meal or the merits of particular food stalls, complain that Thai restaurants overseas cater to non-Thai palates by pulling punches on spice and not respecting the delicate balance between sweet, sour, salty and four-alarm spicy.
For designing and building a robot from scratch, the project has a very low price-tag overall and will supposedly be earned back by sales of the robot.
Anyway, the way it works is that it performs a rapid chemical analysis of a food sample, teasing out both the constituent ingredients used and the ratios used, and then it compares it to a database of ingredients and ratios used in a sample “ideal” recipe for that meal — with the ideal as determined by the ratings of a small research study with a hundred or so ordinary Thai people (not food critics).
But I’m pretty sure we all know it’s going to end up chemically analyzing mankind and find us insufficiently spicy to remain alive. And just as Thailand was one of the few countries in the world to resist Western colonialism (more or less), Thailand’s robots will no doubt be the first to take on humanity successfully.